So while I was grocery shopping the other day, I had a shocking encounter with a stranger.
I was looking for the meal-in-a-can (meatballs and baked beans variety) which my boys love to have as an after school lunch. Pick ‘n Pay keeps these on the very bottom shelf so I was on hands and knees scrounging up 6 tins and making sure I didn’t inadvertently get a viennas and spaghetti combo into the mix – I got told off so good by my boys, I will never make that mistake again!
Anyway, I found six tins, took them off the shelf and put them on the floor, stood up but only managed to pick up 5 of the six tins to put in my trolley. When I turned back to get the 6th tin, an elderly gentleman was attempting to put the stray tin back on the shelf so I walked over and explained and took the tin from him.
As he walked away, he turned to me and lightly said, “you’re a lazy woman.”
I must have looked stunned and so he went on to say, ” giving your family a meal-in-a-can, you should cook them a proper meal.” So I laughed and explained that it was for my boys’ lunch and that I do, in fact, cook them a proper meal every evening.
And then as I walked away, I thought about the implication that a complete stranger could judge me as a wife and mother based on my grocery shopping and then feel like he had a right to say something about it! Now, I know that it was a joke and he didn’t mean any harm and it was an innocent little comment but I can also take you a bet that had a man been putting meals-in-a-can in his trolley, this gentleman would not have called him a lazy man and expected him to cook a proper meal for his family!
I know that it is my choice to be a stay at home mom and I know that it is, for want of a better word, my job but I’m not sure that I like the fact that other people feel they have the right to critique my performance and expect me to meet their standards. I also don’t understand how people can deliberately not respect the choices I have a right to make as a parent. I am always amazed at the unsolicited advise that gets doled out to new parents. Now, don’t get me wrong, if I am chatting to a new parent, I will happily talk about whatever issue they are going through and comment on how Anton and I dealt with that. Sharing is caring after all. The difference comes in with the expectation when following the advise.
I’ll give you an example – I have been told in no uncertain terms by family members that they do not think my children should do martial arts or yoga or anything with an Eastern pull to it for religious reasons. Now, I personally do not share this same view point and neither does my husband and my kids really, really enjoy their Taekwando and Kids Yoga. So they carry on going. But every time we see the family members and they ask the kids about school and sport and the boys mention the Yoga, we have to have the shock and horror and lecture about what terrible parents we are and how we are leading our kids down a dangerous path. *Sigh*
On the other hand, I have a serious issue with toy guns. I’m not going to go into my opinion right now but my kids have never been allowed to own, play with or keep a toy gun. Not even a water gun. I expressed this view to these very same family members who then proceeded to buy my kids toy guns for Christmas because the cousins were getting the same thing. My response was that my boys never received the gifts and we slowly and quietly started spending less and less time with that side of the family.
I get that people want to share and comment but there still needs to be a line where I have the right to choose and that I have the respect of others to make that choice. I would never dare to think I know how to parent better than anyone else. I have no idea of the intricacies of any other child other than my own and I would thank people to realise the same about my kids. I am the one who has stayed up nights with feeding, changed a thousand nappies, nursed every illness, disciplined every temper tantrum, wiped tears and comforted them through disappointments and watched every triumph from taking their first steps to receiving every accolade and good report card. I know what makes them tick, what gets them motivated, what makes them mad, what makes them cry and what they find funny or interesting or just plain cool.
Parenting is hard enough, I don’t need judgement on top of everything else I have to deal with – from strangers but especially from the people who are supposed to be your support system. So let’s make a deal. I will raise my kids the way I see fit, you raise your kids the way you see fit, we’ll both agree that we are doing the best we can and no one will every call a stranger in a grocery store a lazy woman ever again!
Chat soon
E xx
Me vs the laundry basket 