I used to encourage my boys to focus on getting very high end of year marks at school. I used to expect them to work hard throughout the year and keep at it and achieve my level of expectation because I knew they were capable of it but also because that is what I am good at doing. And then last year neither of the boys achieved straight ‘A’s’ and I was just devastated. Anton, on the other hand, was thrilled with the fact that they both achieved an ‘A’ in Maths and insisted that we reward them for their special effort. At first I was shocked by this but after thinking about it for a while I came to a simple realisation. I asked myself “when is the last time you committed to something a year away and then achieved it?”
So at the beginning of this year, I sat down with the boys and we discussed goals that they wanted to achieve. We broke them up into different categories – academics, sport, interests that kind of thing. And then I encouraged them not only to set goals that will be accomplished by the end of the year but also things that can be done at different times during the year so that the task didn’t seem so far away and daunting. I also didn’t insist on straight A’s for every subject. We included reading a certain number of books during the year which has been fabulous because they could each tick off the first of that goal within two weeks of starting the challenge.
We discussed what their reward would be and we also set the benchmark at 80% rather than 100%. This was my husband’s brilliant idea and he explained as such – each of the boys landed up with about 18 goals for the year. That is quite a lot of work and what happens if they don’t achieve one of those goals? If the reward only comes at 100% then the minute they don’t achieve one thing, they will be so disheartened and they won’t have a reason to carry on with the rest of the goals. Also, we want to focus on the positives of them accomplishing things, not on the negative of one potential failure. Failure shouldn’t be the defining factor of setting goals.
I have no idea if this is the ideal way to motivate them as individuals, my husband hates the idea of boxing himself into anything. It’s almost as if he has an uncontrollable urge to do the opposite of whatever is required of him. He likes to chose to do something because he wants to – if he needs exercise, he runs, if he needs to lose some weight, he simply eats less. He does a job that he loves and is passionate about and is happy to go to every week day. It’s a little annoying. I, on the other hand need to enter a race to motivate myself to get on the treadmill and train. I need the goal, the finish line, the medal, the prize. And right now, this is the best way that I know how to teach my boys about thinking ahead, setting goals and then learning the tools to get yourself closer to those accomplishments so this is what they get.
Some of the items are only achievable at certain times of the year – the obvious ones being academics at the end of the year but Max wanted to make the Cross country team this year (tick) and that only happened in the second term and Eli just made the Hockey team (another tick). They have both ticked off running a 5km race among other things and both are steadily ticking off their reading lists.
We are now half way through and both boys are still in the realm of achieving 80% of their goals for the end of the year. We just got the boys mid-year reports and this was a good time to go through their goals and check in with what has been accomplished, what is coming up that needs to be focussed on in the next few months and, for the academics, where they are on track and what needs a little extra attention.
It has been interesting to see how they handle the pressure of sticking to the goals and how far they push themselves to achieve them as well. We have had good days and bad, we have had days where we all want to throw in the towel but slowly, day by day, they are getting closer to the big prize. With a little more continued effort, they will achieve a far larger accomplishment than what I had envisioned last year and hopefully have learnt how to break things down, stay motivated and set realistic targets.
If it’s successful, I may even set myself some goals next year…now what do I want as a reward…?
Chat soon
E xx
Me vs the laundry basket 