The sqeaky wheel gets the oil or so the saying goes. This is true in all aspects of life – the customer who yells the loudest gets the attention, the person who brags most about his/her accomplishments gets noticed at work and the child who makes the most noise or requires the most work gets the most attention. So what do you do when you have one child who, through no fault of their own, NEEDS more of your time and effort and energy to get through the day and another who doesn’t.
I work on developing the interests that Elijah has that are seperate from Max’s. It turned out to be easier than I thought once I put a little effort in. Firstly, I tried to find a sport that Elijah liked that Max didn’t – horse riding came to the forefront very quickly. Eli loves animals and is naturally very good with them while Max enjoys our furry friends but is a little timid and afraid and so tries to avoid spending too much time with large four-legged creatures. As it happens, I used to ride as a child and so Elijah and I have had 3 years of horse riding lessons together several times a week.
The second thing I looked at was activities in the home. Aspergians are notorious for having laser-beam like focus so if they like something, they really like it but if they aren’t interested in something, it can be as though that activity or item doesn’t exist at all. Now I love to cook and so I have tried to get both my boys into the kitchen with me from a very young age to teach them the basics of working in the kitchen. I feel that it is not only fun but a great life skill to have. Max, however, was having none of that and will barely make it to the kitchen to lick the chocolate covered spoon after a cake making endeavour. Elijah, on the other hand, loves spending time with me in the kitchen. To be honest, I do sometimes think that he has figured out that he needs to pick activities or points of interest that are opposite to his brother if he doesn’t want to be railroaded into being a spectator for large portions of his life. Aspergians DON’T like to share!
Anyway, Saturday mornings are our special time, we go to horse-riding in the morning and then come home and bake in the kitchen for an hour or two. This Christmas, Eli got his own baking cookbook and we so look forward to going through it recipe by recipe and making wonderful memories along the way.
Being the younger sibling of an Aspergian is no easy task. It can be very frustrating and overwhelming and often times feel like you are the on-demand plaything of a tyrant or dictator. I am incredibly proud of how my son handles these challenges and I feel grateful that Max has such a great brother in his life who is so caring, kind and understanding of the particular challenges that are in store for him in the coming years. But that doesn’t mean that I expect Elijah to be at the beck and call of his sibling, nor do I expect him to accept less time, attention and affection from his parents just because he has a demanding older brother. It is my job as his mother to make sure that he gets what he needs from me and his Dad without always having to ask for it.
I have to get back to my washing now…but before I do here is a pic of the finished product of our Saturday morning.
YUM!
Chat soon
E xx
Me vs the laundry basket 