I have just arrived home from my boys’ school Interhouse Swimming Gala. This is usually a tedious affair that I dread but, surprisingly, this year turned out a little different.
Max and Elijah go to a very fancy (read expensive) private school, one of those schools that prides itself on it’s win/loss record but also insists that every child is special and should get a chance to participate in everything. Due to this ethos the gala consists of two types of races – the serious stroke based races for points and the “fun” races which are chaotic and basically a free-for-all of kids jumping in the pool en mass and trying not to drown. Last year both of my boys were in the fun races, they didn’t enjoy them at all, especially my Aspergian who was not happy that there were no rules to be obeyed.
Most parents of Aspie kids know that our children have a complicated relationship with sport, especially team sports. Max did one term of cricket and deemed it “stupid”, soccer was a non-starter and rugby ended in tears when he realized that you had to tackle your opponents to the ground in order to get the ball. Aspies like rules and children are taught at a young age not to hit, kick, punch or hurt other children, to share, be kind and generous and above all not to be a bully. Then we introduce them to sports and encourage them to disregard all of life’s rules and win at all costs.
The Hubby and I discovered years ago that individual sports are the best for Max and so we encourage Tennis, Golf, Athletics, Cross Country, Archery and Swimming. Then we hit another roadblock – Max was afraid that if he beat a friend at a race or in a match, that person would get upset and not want to be his friend anymore. Now that is a tough thought process to override! So we gave up and just focused on having fun, getting exercise and being happy that he was participating at all.
Then, one day at the end of last year, Max came home from school and announced that he had joined the Swimming Team and wanted to go to Swimming lessons. I sat in stunned silence for a few moments before rallying and getting on board. Turns out, Max is actually a decent swimmer and because his head is in the water for the majority of the race, he can’t tell how he is doing and so swims his little heart out without anxiety of where his friends are placing.
And so we arrived at this year’s Swimming Gala where Max had qualified to represent his house in 5 races. 5! We went from the fun race to 5 serious races including the Individual Medley! I prepped him as well as I could, made sure he got a good night sleep, fed him a good breakfast, packed his lunchbox with good protein and a banana and made sure I was on time to watch all of his races. I was a nervous wreck, I had such butterflys in my stomach as he stepped up to the blocks for his first race. So many things were running through my head – how would he cope with the noise of the gun, would he have a meltdown halfway through the race and want to quit, would he get confused and make a mistake and be disqualified…there were so many scenarios of things that could go wrong. Then the gun went off, he dived in the water and swam. I cheered and he came 7th out of 9. Then he climbed out of the pool, gave me a thumbs up and a wave and got ready for his next race.
For those keeping score, his best result was a 4th in the breaststroke but for me and my Hubby, he is a champion! For him to handle the noise, confusion and sensory-overload of a school gala with 350 kids, 200 parents, music blaring for 3 hours in the midday sun of a South African Summer and not come even close to a meltdown is an accomplishment so huge that I am in awe. I want to phone up every one of those doctors, therapists and well-meaning “experts” who said he would never cope with such a stressful environment and tell them to never underestimate my boy again!
Today, for possibly the first time since Max was diagnosed, I am not worried about his future. I spend the majority of my time walking a tightrope between hope and anxiety, trying to negotiate a thousand meltdown inducing scenarios, trying to control the smallest of details to get my son through one more day in this big, scary world that he doesn’t quite 100% fit into. I know there will be ups and downs, good days and bad but I got a tiny glimpse of what is possible and just how much he is capable of…and he is capable of a lot!
So I go into the weekend a very happy Mom even though, due to today’s outing, the laundry baskets are now overflowing and I will have a battle of a different kind on a Saturday – probably my least favourite thing to do on a weekend – but it is totally worth it!
Chat soon
E xx
Me vs the laundry basket 